I am going to take a minute to be a bit more "motivational speaker" than I normally would be, but I just want to post about running my first half marathon. Perhaps some of you have been annoyed by my (or other people's) Facebook posts about running/working out, but it was important for me to share the journey and see the encouragement of my friends...even through those simple Facebook likes. I had many friends start doing the C25K programs while I was training and it was inspiring to me to see other people starting a journey with running and to think that maybe my posts had a very small roll to play in that decision. And I just want you all to know that I did it. I finished my first ever race and I didn't even catch a tiny glimpse of that, "you're going too slow so you need to get on now" bus. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was downright daunting at times. But as is commonly said, it was worth it in the end.
If you aren't a runner, you might not know that running is largely a head sport. Obviously, there is a lot of physical demand to running, but I run slow and was never pushing to run a 10 minute mile or even a 12 minute mile. I started running with a Couch to 5K program which gradually built up how much time you ran with stretches of walking in between. So when the program had by starting me off running for 30 seconds with 90 seconds of walking in between, it was difficult but very doable. But once you start running for miles...once your time running starts being measured by the hour and not the minute...things can start getting pretty difficult to deal with mentally. Your brain starts to tell you that you can't do it, so you should just give up. For me, bad thoughts would start creeping in about past failures and unpleasantness. On race day, it was just that I wasn't going to finish...that I had come all this way, and there was no way I could do it. Those thoughts started creeping in around the 7 mile mark.
I got a bit of a boost as we came out of the Speedway and the water station was Star Wars themed. May the fourth be with you, after all! Darth Vader spurred me forward in my Princess Leia shirt. I was at the 9 mile point when I asked my Facebook friends to tell me I could keep going and got overwhelming encouragement which I could feel in my phone (though I obviously wasn't checking it regularly). But the constant buzzing let me know people were behind me, so I ran on.
At mile 12, things got more complicated. There was a bridge that had to be crossed to get back into downtown. As soon as I hit the bridge, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was lightheaded and I started to hyperventilate. I don't know what brought it on, but all I could think was, "I'm not going to finish. I got to mile 12 and now I'm not going to finish." I decided it was best if I start walking until I could get a grip so that even if it was way slower than I wanted, I would finish. I wound up walking about half a mile. At the point that I could see the gates, I started up a run again and when I got to the cheering crowds, I started my sprint to the finish. I was glad to be able to finish strong.
As I was heading through the last bit, I was searching the crowd for my friends and family. As soon as I found them and heard them cheering me on, I started crying. Once I crossed the line I just started sobbing. My husband, poised in a perfect spot to take pictures, called out to me and I went and gave him a big hug. I LOVE this picture he captured of me breaking down after the race. Perhaps it is silly that I cried, but it honestly just felt like a HUGE accomplishment that I had come so far and crossed that line.
Because here's the thing. I'm not the (physical) type of person who would be accused of being athletic. I weigh more than I should. I am fatter than I'd like to be. I don't look graceful when I run. I don't run as fast as I'd like to. I don't run fast at all. But I run. And I keep running. Over 13 miles of running over the course of a few hours. And that's something. Because I could have just as easily said, "Nope. I'm too fat to run." or "I'm too slow, so I'll never make it." or simply "It's too hard!" But I pushed beyond that and I accomplished the goal I set out to accomplish.
I hope that some day, I'll run it faster. I hope that some day, I'll wear a smaller sized pair of running pants. I hope that some day, running 13.1 miles is just something I like to do a few weekends a year. But mainly, I just hope I will keep running.
And truth be told, I'm glad that I accomplished this at a time when conditions weren't perfect. Back in 2003, I had planned on running the Mini. I was 24, in pretty good shape, and thin. I started training, found it very hard, and then found out I would not be in town that weekend anyway and gave up training. After that, I just decided it was too hard and that I probably couldn't do it. So to achieve at 34 and 70 pounds heavier, what I didn't achieve 10 years prior...that felt big. And it just goes to show that it is largely our own mind and attitude that keeps us from achieving our goals.
I am writing this out on my dusty old blog because I want to remember what it felt like. I do hope that if anyone reads it, they might be inspired to do something great. Something they've always wanted to do, but were afraid to try and fail at. (Or maybe you're afraid to succeed!) I hope it will help you realize that you don't need to be perfect to start. Start where you are. Do what you can. Your persistence will pay off!
Lastly, I just want to share a few short things that were awesome about the race on Saturday.
1) The running community. I trained alone. (Technically I trained with one of my best friends, but he lives an hour away, so I ran alone.) My only experiences with the running community were in online forums that seemed largely filled with snark and condescension. But running with others. Wow! Friendliness, encouragement, smiles, and good will. I LOVED it!
2) The number of people I saw out there walking or running that I wouldn't have expected to see. Women who were clearly 4-7 months pregnant. Men and women in their 70 and 80s...some (no, many) of whom were faster than I. People who were younger and fit and who probably could have finished a great deal faster, walking with a slower loved one to keep them company and cheer them on. And even a couple who were doing their first half marathon together (holding hands while running at times) and then going home to get married later that afternoon.
3) A man named Charlie who was standing next to me as we waited for the start. He talked to me from the time I took my place until we crossed the start gate. Charlie had recently celebrated his 70th birthday and had been running the Mini for the past 4 or 5 years and also ran it a few times back in the early 90s. He was so kind, helpful, and encouraging. I wanted to ask if I could get a picture taken with him, but I was too shy about it and didn't. However, I sent myself his bib number so I could check his stats after. He finished about 20 or 30 minutes before I did. How amazingly inspiring! So, to Charlie, though you'll likely never see this, thank you for being an inspiration and a comfort to a nervous 1st timer. You made a difference in my day.
